Will you join me to begin the journey of becoming you?
I WAS NOT WHO I IMAGINED MYSELF TO BE.
The decade of 2010-2019 was painful.
I began the decade at the beginning of many things. The beginning of my healing journey, the beginning of taking my art career seriously, the beginning of fighting for the life that I wanted… the beginning.
In 2010 I was 220lbs of pure fat, pure depression, pure chaotic trauma, how I even survived the first year at a prestigious art school, I have no idea. I was LOST, both mentally, spiritually, physically… in every way possible. It was a time when I would literally say, I hit the rock bottom of it all.
I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself, surrounded by mess, surrounded by the pain outwardly expressed in my surroundings. The chaos was literally everywhere and I felt like I was drowning.
The 220lbs of pure lard was not my issue… my issue was that as a child I saw myself as a warrior, a fighter, a Xena and sitting eating anything to stuff down the amount of trauma I was unwilling to process, that was the part I had realized. I was unable to create art, I was unable to see beauty as I once had.
I WAS NOT WHO I IMAGINED MYSELF TO BE.
It took getting to the point where I woke up, that fleeting moment of clarity when I realized that this was not the future I wanted for myself.
I did not want to be overweight.
I did not want to be depressed.
I did not want to be in physical pain.
I did not want to give up.
I come from a family of suicidal artists, of hardworking people, of people who struggled to accept their own voice and story.
At the beginning of the last decade I made a choice, to believe that despite all genetics, naysayers, doubt and disbelief, that I could attain the health that I wanted.
I HAD TO DECIDE.
To move forward with life, love and embrace the friction I was about to experience.
I am in a healthy athletic body.
I am an artist.
I am moving towards the life I aspire to.
I am letting go of what does not serve me.
BELIEVE in your GOALS.
I was able to turn around generations of programming, of giving up, of victimization within 10 years because I made a choice to seek for more.
